Utilizing J-dar
Tamar Caspi
Trying to meet a Jewish guy or gal outside of J*Date, YAD or other Jewish organizations is like trying to find a needle in a haystack. When I go to bars in Boston I have to turn on my J-dar and act like a detective.
I don't want to begin a conversation with a guy and possibly start to like him before I know if he's Jewish. But I also can't exactly come right out and ask him, because let's face it, that's a bit odd. So I have to use my instincts and resort to asking subtle questions or making sly comments that will hopefully solve the mystery for me.
On SuperBowl Sunday, Julie* and I went to a new sports bar to watch the big game. A tall, hot guy with warm brown eyes started making eye contact with me and then sent over drinks before joining us. His name was Jason and he was a native Bostonian. My J-dar thought there could be a possibility he was Jewish, but Julie was adamant he was anything but.
Out of the blue, Julie asks him if he prayed for a Patriots win that morning. His answer: he had gone to Mass the night before. Score one for Julie. Not only was this guy not a Yid, he was Irish Catholic.
On Valentine's Day, my girlfriend Miryam and I were both single. We ended up at a new lounge where I immediately saw another tall, attractive man with deep brown eyes (yes, I have a type). Miryam's J-dar didn't even flicker and I actually agreed with her, but I decided to throw caution to the wind and flirt my heart out.
His name was Stephen and in a shocking turn of events, he actually asked me if I was Jewish. After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I answered yes and a huge smile spread across his face while he exclaimed that he too was Jewish.
He told me he was really excited because he never meets attractive Jewish girls out on the town. I asked him if he's ever gone to any Jewish events and of course his answer was no. Gotta admit that was a huge turn-off: if he wanted to meet a Jewish girl so badly, then why was he wasting his time bar-hopping?
If your J-dar's not working, try using Hebrew and Yiddish phrases during normal conversation and see if he picks up on it. This is both a subtle and entertaining way to find out if a guy is Jewish.
Sara and I were at a bar when two good looking guys approached. My J-dar was all over the place and Sara didn't seem to have much of a clue either. That's when I slipped in an "oy vey" as two waitresses nearly collided. Sara picked up on my plan and added a "la'breut" when one of the guys sneezed.
But it was when the guys bought us drinks and we toasted with a "l'chaim" that we knew we had our answer: the two guys looked so helpless and confused Sara and I started giggling. The goys must have thought we were totally mishegas with our shtick. Feh!
No matter where or what kind of bar you go to, go in with an open mind. You never know… that guy wearing a cross may have some cute, single Jewish friends that he would be happy to introduce you to.
(* all names have been changed)
Tamar Caspi has only been a journalist for the past five years and dating nearly half her life. If you have any dating dilemmas you can e-mail her at: thesearchforbeshert@ gmail.com.
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